What are conflict resolution techniques for dealing with confrontation at work?

The type of confrontation dictates the type of conflict resolution techniques you use. If the confrontation involves one colleague yelling at another or acting in a highly emotional way, the best de-escalation technique is called affect labeling.

Based on the research of neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman, we now know that when people become emotional because of conflict, the emotional centers of their brains are activated. At the same time, their prefrontal cortex, which is the logic, planning, and impulse control center of the brain, is inhibited.

This is why trying to de-escalate emotions with logic never works when dealing with confrontation in the workplace. Lieberman tested a number of conflict resolution techniques to see what would be most effective at calming the emotional centers down while reactivating the prefrontal cortex.

Using fMRI scanning techniques, he discovered that if a calm person labels the emotions that another  person is experiencing in the moment, the emotional centers quiet down and the prefrontal cortex activates. In short, by simply stating for a person what his or her feelings are in the moment, one can cause a rapid de-escalation of conflict.

The technique is simple. Listen and observe the person without judgment. Ignore the words and focus on the feelings. Without getting overly analytical, simply allow yourself to intuitively understand the emotions of the other person. You have the innate capacity to do this through your mirror neurons. Thus, you do not need to over-analyze the situation. Just allow yourself to be in the other person’s reality, read their emotional data field, and state the emotion.

Here is an example:

“I am so angry. I can’t believe they are doing this to me. It’s stupid, unfair, and ridiculous!”

“You are angry and frustrated. You feel betrayed. And you feel injustice.”

Notice that there are no “I” words in affect labeling. There are only “you” words. Saying something like “I have a sense that you are angry” will not work because the “I” negates the affect labeling. You must essentially place yourself in the reality of the other person.

You know you have correctly affect labeled when you see a quick nod or a “Yeah, yeah” affirmation. As soon as you receive that response, you are down.

Properly and skillfully performed, affect labeling takes less than 60 seconds. It is one of the fastest and most efficient conflict resolution techniques for emotional de-escalation. However, artful affect labeling takes practice and usually must be learned from a skilled practitioner or trainer. Although simple to describe, it is quite difficult to execute without guidance and practice.