Ah! Unrequited love. We've all been there, haven't we? If we could all just run down to the drug store and pick up Love Potion #9, all would be right with the world, right? Wrong. It's better for both parties if you trust nature and your partner to know when it is right.
So, let's look at why this is so.
Let's say that your beloved has a certain body style or look that you don't have and you change your outward appearance to make yourself more physically desirable. You lose weight, gain weight, buff up, change your hair color, get a weave, change your clothing style or get plastic surgery. What does that do for your self-esteem?
It sends the message that you are not good enough as you are, doesn't it? Every time you have to do something to maintain a look that is not truly your own, you reinforce that horrible message. I think the cost of hooking that fish is too high. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your self-esteem to learn how to make a guy fall in love with you if he doesn't feel the same way.
Let's say that your partner is keeping his distance because he has a secret that you don't know about. You go on the prowl and seduce him, but the secret later comes out. What now? You're in it with both feet and are head over heels.
Maybe he's married. Maybe he's HIV positive. Maybe he has questions about his sexuality. Maybe he's transferring jobs to another country in three months. Maybe he's still in love with his ex. Maybe he is from a culture that doesn't allow marriage outside of that culture. You've just bought yourself some trouble, haven't you?
Your beloved has more information than has been shared with you. He has no obligation to share it, but if you try to overcome his objections, you may find out that his reasons for not pursuing a relationship with you were wise after all.
Let's say that your beloved has no sexual attraction to you, but here you come. You are a great cook. You are funny, thoughtful, fit, and attractive. His dog loves you. You like the same activities. His friends are telling him that you are a catch, so he gives in.
Now you're sexually frustrated because your boyfriend doesn't enjoy making love with you. Sexual compatibility is very important in keeping a relationship vibrant and alive. It's not something that can be faked or manufactured- especially in the beginning when attraction is generally highest. Ignoring this will result in prolonged frustration for both parties.
Let's say that your beloved actually likes you quite a lot. The two of you laugh often, get along great and click like magic. You can't understand why he doesn't want to make it more than that when you obviously have great chemistry. What you might not know is that he's holding back because he respects you. He knows his track record and doesn't want to get entangled with anything serious. He is staying away because he doesn't want to lose your friendship. He's afraid you will become another one of his victims, but you push forward.
Three months later, his fears come true. You catch him flirting with another girl and your relationship and friendship ends. A man knows when he's ready for a fling and when he is ready for something serious. Respect his timeline.
What I am trying to say is, trust that your beloved's lack of interest in you is a sign that this is not a good match. His objections are not challenges to be overcome. No means no. He knows himself better than you do. He knows what he wants. He knows what he values. He knows his heart. If you push your way into his life and try to learn how to make a guy fall in love if he doesn't feel the same way, you are essentially saying, "My needs are more important than yours, and I don't trust you to know what you want."
Is that a good way to start a relationship? Of course not!
Having your heart ache for someone who doesn't seem to know you are alive hurts, but fighting against it intensifies the pain. Accept it. If you run a stop sign, you are likely to hit a dead end. You deserve someone who can love you fully and completely without any coaxing or reservations. If you can start a relationship on that ground, you have a much greater chance for making a success of it. Hold out for that guy. It will be worth it in the end.