The Relationship Coaching Institute, of which I am a member, teaches couples the fine art of communicating in constructive ways to avoid huge arguments, fights and hurt feelings, and beautiful love language which relieves one of the guilt and mess of having to make up after yucky accusations and incriminations are flung wildly about in the heat of an argument.
After a big fight, and you find yourself floundering about because perhaps wifey's teeth are still clinched, or she has that hurt little puppy-dog look on her face, or better yet, you spent the night on the couch, it's definitely time for you to reevaluate your approach to arguments. Quite frankly, any argument that anyone has which causes their partner to question a continued loving relationship is a really huge fight and, hopefully, one that won't be repeated ever again.
Having said that, my concern as a coach is more for what the fighting was about; what triggered what response to the point where it escalated perhaps to yelling, screaming, name calling and other misbehavior? Since that wasn't the original question, I'll stay on track. Ugly arguments need cooling off periods to allow partners to clear their spirits and minds and bring perspective and reality back into play. Never allow a cooling off period to be extensive, though, as too much time can often be an enemy instead of an ally, when your partner rehashes over and over again the uglier points brought up in the argument.
Replay the argument in your mind as objectively as possible. Note those places where you strayed from being civil, and where she strayed as well. Note the tension and emotion in those areas, because this is where work needs to be done. After realistically examining your attitude and the causes and results of the argument, let your wife know you'd love the opportunity to sit down and calmly discuss what occurred in order to bring about resolution.
Suggest a quiet place and a time when the two of you won't be interrupted by children, chores, neighbors, family, etc. Be authentic. Regardless of who started the argument, I'm sorry are two of the kindest words in the Universe, and should be followed by, Please forgive me. Saying these words truthfully and meaningfully will pave the way for lovingly making up. If you're thinking,"But she started it," then you need a time out.
Man-up. Understand it doesn't matter who started it, as long as the work is done to make the situation right again. If you can't seriously say "I'm sorry," then wait until you've evaluated the situation a little more. (Again, do NOT let too much time go by.) (If a wife had asked the same question, I'd tell her the same thing. THE POINT IS BRINGING ABOUT RESOLUTION.
When you do begin your discussion, explain how saying "X" made you feel and how you imagine it hurt her; and how hearing "Y" from her wounded you. Ask for her input and suggestions on how to avoid another argument of this type and ways in which the two of you can work to solve whatever problem(s) brought on the argument in the first place. You don't have to say "I still love you" fifty times to get your point across.
However, do let her know how important she is to you and how blessed you feel to have her as a wife - that she is the air you breathe. Assure her of the fact that you will make whatever changes needed to keep peace in your family and the marriage intact. (Hopefully, this discussion proceeds to the point where there is give and take on both sides, and you're not left feeling resentful that you're the one who's made all the concessions.
P.S. Flowers and perfume a day or two later wouldn't hurt!
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