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What to do when you are bored with your husband or wife?

Written By

Sharon Rivkin

Argument and Affairs Expert; Marriage Family Therapist

Briefly Speaking

Find out how married couples can avoid getting bored with each other after many years of marriage and learn what to do when you are bored.
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Disengagement from life breeds boredom. The antidote? To find out what to do when you are bored with each other, married couples need to engage in life in order to avoid boredom with each other, by doing the following:

  1. Stay interested in life and in your own personal growth.  Read books, meet new people, get involved in a group. Don’t ever think you’re too old to keep learning and growing.  As long as you’re on this planet there is room for growth. 
  2. Remember the purpose of your life.  What are your gifts and how can you best use them?  Look into different spiritual practices so you can explore the meaning of life and your life in particular.  Whatever your particular gift is, there is a place for it in this world.  
  3. Stay connected with your spouse while giving each other the space for other pursuits. As you and your partner pursue your passions, talk to each other about what you’re learning and feeling.  We can learn a lot from each other and it makes for interesting dialogue.
  4. Follow your passions and live your dreams!   Take your passions seriously and know that it’s possible to make your wildest dreams come true.  Talk about these dreams with your spouse and brainstorm how to make them real.
  5. Adapt to change and continue to learn new things.  Keep an open mind and heart to learn new things and think outside the box.  Don’t get too rigid in your beliefs because then it’s hard to let in new thoughts and ideas. Without new thoughts and ideas, it’s hard to grow and change.
  6. Create a support system with your spouse.  Be each other’s cheerleader — encourage your spouse to try new things.  So many couples are threatened when their partner wants to try something new. Encourage new ventures because the happier your partner is, the happier he/she will be in the relationship because they feel supported.  Create mutual admiration with your spouse.  Appreciate your differences! 
  7. Share your dreams and visions with your partner so you can help and encourage each other’s fulfillment. This will definitely keep the spark alive and help you avoid getting bored with each other!  People who feel fulfilled and encouraged are less likely to get bored.  When we’re nurturing ourselves and getting nurtured by our partners, we seem to have more positive energy and more interest in everything around us.

So, in order to figure out what to do when you are bored, first look at yourself and what you’re not doing with your life, and share this information with your partner, and have them do the same. That conversation will immediately evoke curiosity and interest, and hopefully the catalyst to start living your life so boredom never becomes an issue in your marriage.

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